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  • Writer's pictureVaishali Chakravarty

Top seven phrases to avoid, if you don’t want to lose your child’s trust in you.

Updated: Aug 13, 2019

Think before you say something like, "Trust me, I am going to tell your teacher about this.”

Respect your child’s privacy or she will lose trust in you. And it is really hard to restore.

When we trust and confide in someone, they know our weaknesses(W), our fears(F), our confusions(C) and our desires(D). A child is just beginning to get to terms with her WFCDs, and her trust in you is her only security. Any threat to this trust is likely to result in a fractured self esteem and high WFCD levels.

In our drama sessions we see a lot of hesitation among children regarding sharing even the most non-threatening everyday life related information in the group. So, we teachers have to say, “What happens in class stays in class.” It’s a pact with them for keeping their information safe and that’s not all, we also share one of our personal shortcomings (no, we don’t make it up) with them and trust them to keep it confidential. This helps to keep our bond stronger and children to open up.

Top Seven Phrases To Avoid

1. “Wait till I tell your dad/mum about this.”
2. “Once more and you are grounded for life!”
3. “I will tell your teachers how you really are.”
4. “You always...” (referring to a negative behavior like lying)
5. “She is really stubborn/slow/quiet/confused.” (to anyone in front of her)
6. “Please go to the other room, this is an adult talk.”
7. “I know you will never…” (referring to a positive action like ‘work hard’ or ‘learn’)

Two scenarios; when you threaten the children to reveal their shortcomings.

You may think that it was just a scare strategy, the fact is that she no longer trusts you to keep her secrets. She may never tell you any secret, any bullying, any harassment situation or any desire. The parent will then wonder in few years about their children being low in confidence and not opening up to them.

The second issue is even worse- anxiety. The child may suffer with the stress caused by an imaginary situation. This will eventually show in the child’s behavior, like hesitation in talking or even becoming completely mum. The level of stress will vary depending on what is at stake for the child. She might not be able to trust anyone anymore which will lead to difficult adult relationships and stress related health conditions.

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